Consciousness

  What happens when I sleep? Does everything stop?

  When I was about 4 or 5, in the afternoon, as my sisters went to lie down and take a nap, I liked to sit in between them and pat them to sleep. Sometimes, my Ah Gong would play some nursery rhymes on the radio at the same time. It was a very tranquil period of time. Everything was quiet, although my sisters might talk and giggle before they got sleepy. Meanwhile, I would sit there and pat them slowly, following a metronomic rhythm. When they slept, their faces looked so still, and they looked like they were at peace. But I hated how, once they fell asleep, they were gone. They were no longer conscious. They could no longer detect what I was doing. Even if I talked to them, they wouldn't respond. It's like time stopped, but only for them. In that moment, I felt so distant from them.
  Yesterday, I skyped my aunts. My second aunt, who is in a critical health condition, was sleeping. My third aunt asked me if I wanted to see her. I didn't know what to say. To say no would be saying I didn't really care. But to say yes...I don't know what's the point. Even if I saw her, we wouldn't be considered "interacting". Time had stopped for her then.