Recently, my friends and I were having a discussion on having children and adoption. Two of my friends asked me, on separate occasions, if I didn't get married, would I consider adoption. For a moment, I was puzzled. I don't see marriage and adoption as mutually exclusive dichotomies. Thus, I was perplexed by the way the question was phrased. But I had to remind myself that many people still hold conservative values and believe that raising their own flesh and blood is preferable to raising someone else's child.
A part of me does not want to be a parent. I have written extensively on this subject in my journals. The world is such a messed up place with terrible things happening everywhere. Why on earth would I want to bring another life into misery? Why would I want to subject another being to the dangers lurking the earth? Why would I want to raise a girl in a society that will bombard her with the message that she will never be enough, that she is nothing but a sexual object, that she will be blamed if she falls victim to some kind of sexual assault? Why would I want to raise a boy in a society that tells him he cannot express his feelings freely, that he has to be physically stronger than girls and that he needs to earn more money than girls? Why would I want to raise children in a society that imposes gender roles on them, discriminates people for the pigments in their skin and tells them that life is unfair, they just have to accept it?
I know, far too well, that I do not want to have my own biological children. But lately, I have been contemplating adoption. Because despite how I feel about raising children, I love children. I love spending time with them and teaching them things. It's complicated. I don't want to have my own children because I think I'd love them too much to put them through this screwed up world. But a child without a parent is another story. This child is already in this world. This child should be raised in a loving supportive environment in order for this child to have the best outcomes in life.
But even then, will I be able to make a good parent? And what exactly is a good parent? What values do I wish to impart to my child? There's still so many things I need to consider.
