If I had to sum up all the life lessons the past year has taught me, boil it down and condense it to one sentence, it would be this: "Life is unpredictable." Three words, but its meaning runs deep.
"I love you."
"I hate you."
"This is goodbye. "
Three simple words can have so much power. Words can damage things the very second they are uttered.
This year, I have had all my assumptions, predictions and beliefs challenged like never before. I have learnt that three hundred and sixty five days is more than enough time for your hopes to be shattered and your life to be turned upside down. In just a year, I have had my aspirations for myself trampled on in front of my very eyes and I've lost my faith in humans.
I have learnt that the only way to avoid disappointment is to keep your guard up and lower your hopes. That people, including myself, will inevitably disappoint me. But each person to a different extent, when I least expect it.
I had entered 2017 with high hopes, expecting life to treat me as well as it had in 2016. But life, being as it always is, decided to play cruel jokes on me. 2017 was a reminder that 2009 was not a one off. That I may very well have 2009 repeat itself over and over again, at times when I least expect it, when I'm in my bubble of joy. That one day, when I'm unaware, the bubble will break. And then I will crash and fall and maybe burn.
"Everyone joins a band in this life. One way or another, the band breaks up."
- Mitch Albom
Bands were broken up. So many that I lost count. New bands were formed, but things have never been the same since. I'm not saying these new bands are bad. But like all new bands, starting out is always difficult because everyone has a different rhythm, different style. And it takes time to learn how to work together. They say time heals all wounds. And I dare say, that saying has truth in it. But patience was never my strong suit.
It was a very, very trying year. But like all years, there is always something to be thankful for. In this year, I am grateful for the new friendships forged. For the people who stuck by me after hearing my story. For the person who was there to listen to me when I told her how hard it was for me to take each waking breath and helped me through that extremely difficult period. For the people whom I have still yet to share my story with, but bring a smile to my face every time we meet, every time we text or snap.
I am grateful that the year started and ended on a good note. I entered the year going on my first ever solo trip to Japan that I thoroughly enjoyed and will serve as a reminder that I don't need to depend on anyone to have an amazing trip. I exited the year with a road trip in NZ with an old friend and a stranger-turned-new friend. I was reminded that it is possible to go on a trip with people without ruining friendships. That strangers can become friends and travelling does not necessarily break friendships. I was reminded at the end of the year that I am not as stupid as I thought I once was. That I can do well academically. That I accomplished my goals.
I am grateful that despite all the obstacles I faced this year, there were still many moments of joy, laughter and love. That all these obstacles have served to help me better see who is truly there for me. I am not sure what to expect for the year ahead, but I hope to make it through stronger than ever.
I am grateful that despite all the obstacles I faced this year, there were still many moments of joy, laughter and love. That all these obstacles have served to help me better see who is truly there for me. I am not sure what to expect for the year ahead, but I hope to make it through stronger than ever.
