I never realised how hard it was to live with someone that you didn't grow up with. Growing up with my family, we got upset with each other every now and then, but when I've lived 20 years with them, I learned to accept their quirks and it just became a part of my life. The lifestyle habits of my parents become quickly ingrained into mine. I grew up being used to the habit of drinking boiled water, buying meat at the grocery store last, choosing the carton of milk that was positioned at the back of the fridge. I grew up accepting the my sisters' habits of eating over the keyboard, leaving their empty cups that were previously filled with sweet drinks on their tables and throwing their food wrappers in the living room bin. I didn't like it, but I tolerated it.
Now, living in a new house, with a person that I've never lived with before, I'm learning a lot. I'm learning more about the quirks my housemate has, I'm learning which lifestyle habits of mine seem queer to her and I'm learning to compromise.
Moving out taught me a lot about independence. For starters, it isn't as glamorous as it seems. Clearing food waste and hair from the sink, unclogging a toilet bowl filled with faeces and killing insects? Welcome to independent living! It's a breeze!
Jokes aside, living independently from your family is uncomfortable. There's no one who is ready to take care of you if you fall ill, less people to share the load of household chores and you have to adapt to different eating habits. Foods that you love might be foods that your housemate detests. I'm not saying its terrible and I hate it, but I have to learn to accept a less comfortable lifestyle. Nevertheless, I believe that it's been a great learning experience so far. It's teaching me to be a better team player and to be less selfish.
Working with your housemate can be likened to working with a team member. Communication, compromise and consideration are very important factors in building a good relationship with your house mate. At least that is in my case.
Communication lets the other party know exactly what you're feeling and prevents incidences of unspoken expectations. For example, when we first moved in, we had conflicts in certain living habits of ours. Voicing out our expectations of each other and what we were or were not comfortable with let us know what irked each other. I will admit, I'm not the most careful dishwasher and my sense of hygiene is not as high as J's. But she let me know whenever she felt that my cleaning was not up to standard and I adjusted accordingly. Similarly, I didn't like how J raised her voice significantly at me and I told her. It improved our relationship because that's how we found out how each of us felt when we acted a certain way.
Compromise is another important factor. My eating habits are vastly different from J's. I like brown rice, she can settle for white. There are foods that I eat and she doesn't, vice versa. But we've learnt to compromise, mixing brown and white rice, I've accepted that I can't eat spicy foods for communal meals and she's accepted that I don't eat processed food. Having everything done your way only would be unsustainable. There has to be give and take in any relationship in order for it to last.
Lastly, there's consideration. I've learnt to think of myself less and think of J more when doing grocery shopping. Remembering to ask her if she needs me to get anything when I'm going to shop alone, doing the cooking or cleaning when she's busy and she does the same for me.
I won't say that we have a perfect relationship and that we don't fight. We do argue. We do have conflicts. But eventually we compromise. We make up. We put the fights behind us. We've argued over both small and big things. In fact, the most trivial matter that we've ever argued over was whether or not to add a stalk of spring onion to our dinner. But we have good times too. Just today, we spent the whole morning baking and quilling paper. I'm glad that I have J around to share my life with. I'm thankful for her being there for me when I get stressed and for teaching me to be more considerate and less selfish. For lending me her clothes, for closing my windows when it rains in the middle of the night, for cooking for me when I'm busy and bringing in my laundry when it rains. I couldn't have asked for a better housemate. Thank you, J. :)
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