Reflection

Nearly 3 quarters of the year is over, and I have learnt so much. Life has reaffirmed that it will always be unpredictable, especially when I least expect it and that change is constant. Change is constant. Three words, but they hold such significant consequences.

I'm learning so much about life and I want to document it right here, right now. So for future reference, Danelle, this is what 2017 has taught you thus far.

1. The importance of the people you choose to travel with.

I cannot stress how important this is. If you choose the wrong group, and the dynamics are off, that's equivalent to the whole trip being screwed up. Before this year, I never thought that group dynamics would play such a huge role in ensuring a trip's success. I knew that good planning was necessary to make the trip enjoyable, and choosing the right location was important too, but I neglected to consider the people I chose to travel with. Which, up until before 2017, had never been an issue. And then, I had the trip that changed my viewpoint on travel. The trip that taught me that a trip can be thoroughly miserable. The reason? Just poor group dynamics. It wasn't any one's fault (or well, if the other people on the trip want to blame me then, that's their opinion), but the mix of people that went just did not fit well. It was equivalent to making a sandwich and combining mayo with strawberries, gravy, brussel sprouts and venison. Just...NO.

2. That friendships end. Sometimes earlier than you expect them to.

Just when you thought that you found someone you can rely on for an indeterminate period of time in the future, that person might just leave you. So remember, don't every make someone your everything. People change, so do you. Sometimes, not everyone can handle your every mood, your personality, and it's ok. As long as you are able to make yourself happy, you can get through this. 

Sometimes, you meet people that you can't handle either, and sometimes that will happen to you. It might take you a short time to figure out who can be your friend or maybe a long time, but you'll learn. And this-people failing your expectations-is probably why you still have trust issues. I know it's not easy to overcome them, and I know you still haven't, but you can work this out. 

3. How hard it can be to cope with changes.

This is a year of many changes. A new house, a new living arrangement, changes in the friendships around you. I know it's difficult to cope. Sometimes your old coping mechanisms just don't work anymore and you use unhealthy methods to cope. You lash out at people, because you don't know how to channel this pent up frustrations and stress properly. You withdraw, because sometimes ignoring the problem and trying to forget helps, temporarily. You put on a mask, because when you're in that mask, it feels euphoric. I wish I knew how to help you with this right now, but the truth is I don't know. But I hope, for your sake, that you will eventually learn how to cope with all these emotions. It's not easy, but I hope that you will figure this out.