Time and time again, I've changed my mind on so many things, so many times. Sometimes, these changes in my opinions surprise even myself. Things like leaving my old religion etc. This time is no different. I never thought that I'd ever consider going back to visit Singapore for a short stay. I was already anticipating coming back to study and just staying in Australia till I graduate before I head home. I wanted to save money on airfare and cherish whatever time I had left in Oz. But circumstances change. People fall sick.
I don't want to live with one more regret in this life. I regretted not being there for my grandfather before he passed on. Even though he was living in the same house as me and was bedbound, I didn't make it a point to go to his room and talk to him everyday. I remember at his funeral, I was just so angry at myself, for not having cared more. I mentally told myself I was going to do better with Ah Ma. I would take care of her and I would cherish my time with her. Yet, I got complacent again and I didn't do that last summer. Sure, now and then we'd have conversations, but they were short and I would rather be doing something else than hear her nag at me. But now, I'd give anything to hear her continue to nag at me. So I think this time, I will go back. Because life is unpredictable, and when her time comes, I don't want to feel the same regret I did 6 years ago. I swore I wouldn't go back for for a short trip and that regardless of what happens in the family, I'd just rough it out here in Oz, but I'm going back on this. I don't want to be selfish.
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